How Death Shapes Your Life
I used to feel morbid talking about death, but I must admit, my recent retreat on Facing Into Death has completely shifted my perception of this subject. Although writing my own eulogy was not my idea of a fun retreat, it really freed up my desire to live more fully. I’m not looking away anymore and it’s utterly liberating.
One of the biggest takeaway from the retreat was around the impact of death on the shape of my life. Let me explain.
Three years before I was born, my oldest uncle was killed. There were two men fighting on a street, he tried to stop them but one of them stabbed him and they left him to bleed to death. His death had a massive impact on my life, even though I never met him.
My mother was still in a state of shock when she got pregnant with me. She was very close with her brother and at some deeply unconscious level I’ve absorbed a lot of her sadness. Young and lost, she was somewhat disconnected from me. I understand it now: a loss like that can cause people close off their hearts because it’s just not safe to love, if your loved ones can die so easily.
My grandmother never recovered from that loss either. Till the day she died, it was enough to say his name for her to cry bitter tears. In some ways, I was a replacement for him. I gave my grandmother a second chance in life and she decided that she was not going to loose me as well. So while she was overprotective with her own children, she became extra vigilant with me, ironically making me more vulnerable in the process.
My grandmother’s biggest praise in life was to say ‘You’re exactly like him.’ While flattering, somehow, I felt like I lived in his shadow, always aspiring to achieve this mysterious golden standard. I hit the right notes sometimes, but it was a guesswork. He, on the other hand, could never do anything wrong, for a simple reason that he was dead.
Although it was not intended, I got a very clear message that being dead was preferable, because there was so much more love for him than towards the living.
Seeing these patterns allowed me to remove a heavy blanket of sadness that I carried all my life; it also gave me another opportunity to release some unconscious death wishes, which were my misguided attempt at getting more love.
If you had a significant death, miscarriage, abortion or serious illness in the family, chances are that it shaped your life more than you have realised. It has probably caused a heartbreak, shut down, disconnect and so much pain.
I can help you to release that old baggage so that you can shape your life from love and not from the legacy of death. Join my three hour healing class on 8 June at 4:30-7:30pm UK time to release this burden. Here's the link: www.gularavincent.co.uk/transitions
P.S. It's strange how the dead can makes us feel inadequate sometimes. I certainly never felt good enough in my uncle's shadow. There are so many reasons why we carry this curse of not enoughness. Join my 5-week ‘Good Enough’ course here to change your life: www.gularavincent.co.uk/good-enough We are starting tomorrow. Don't miss out on this opportunity. Set yourself free from everybody's shadows: dead or alive.
P.P.S. Have you signed up to my free event on Get Better Clients on 7 June at 2:00-3:00pm UK time/ 9:00-10:00am EST? You'll learn a lot! Here's the link: https://gulara-vincent.mykajabi.com/client-series
And here's the replay of last week's call on Dealing with Difficult Clients: https://youtu.be/PmsNasx3HU4?si=gFnEOcZbo-QdIn34
With love
Gulara