I’m Playing a Violin, Again.

I started playing a violin when I was 5.

My mum was a piano teacher and used to have some private students at home. I normally played with my toys in the living room while she worked, but now and then I pointed out her students’ mistakes. My grandfather noticed this pattern and asked whether I was right. When my mum said ‘yes’, he encouraged her to take me to the music school to check my musical aptitude.

At my mum’s music school, a woman I didn’t know made a series of claps and stomps and I had to imitate exactly what she did. So I did, though it felt confusing that musical aptitude had nothing to do with music.  They seemed very impressed and let me start music school at 5 (most pupils started  when they were 8 years old).

Within a year, I won a national competition. At music school, I played the 3rd year programme in my first year, and conservatoire pieces in my final years. I even was offered a job at a symphony orchestra in my early teens, but my grandmother declined because it involved travelling abroad and young girls were not to travel unaccompanied by members of their family. What’s more I was discouraged to play altogether.

This is more of a backstory to my stories today (you can read my childhood story here).

I had two attempts at resuming playing violin as an adult. When I was 24, I was watching new year’s celebrations on Russian TV where Vanessa May performed Storm by Vivavldi, and I fell in love.

‘I want to play that piece like her in 3 months’ time,’ I decided.

I found a teacher in the conservatoire who was willing to tutor me for 50 USD a month.

‘If you can play that piece in 3 months, we’d admit you to conservatoire without any exams’, she said.

At the time, I worked for a local company and my salary was 100 USD. The next morning I went to work, and my boss called me to his office.

‘We’re reorganizing the company,’ he said. ‘As of today, your salary is 50 USD.’

I was crushed. ‘It wasn’t meant to be’, I decided. ‘Not this lifetime, perhaps. It must be a sign from the universe.’

And I gave up.

A few years back, I had a session with a healer who said that I needed to play an instrument. ‘It’s like your soul channels something when you play. Have you considered playing a violin again?’

I was willing to give it a go. For my birthday I asked for a violin and my partner gifted it to me along with some tuition by a Russian teacher. She was very knowledgeable as a musician, but as my partner said at the time, ‘she was a cross between Hitler and Stalin.’ Her idea of praise was ‘Hmmm, strange, you managed that but wait till we do X. That’d be really tough.’

To be honest, I didn’t mind, but she started stressing out my partner, so I had to let her go. I made tremendous progress in just 2 months, but once the teacher was gone, and I was back at work after a long maternity leave, things slipped again.

But the longing to play was not gone entirely.

A few weeks back, I bought myself a conservatoire level violin. It’s beautiful and the sound it produces is divine. No, you can’t see me playing yet, but I’m loving the experience.