What Does Your Birthday Bring Up For You?
I’ve been struggling with my birthdays for years. For as long as I can remember, I used to wake up on my birth day expecting magic, but nothing ever hit the mark. Time and again, I felt disappointed and dissatisfied.
The only exception was the year my daughter was born. I came home from the hospital the day before my birthday and there was nothing I could do to make the day ‘special’. With that pressure off, I could relax and enjoy my family and children.
But the trick didn’t last. The year after, the pressure was on and the disappointment was even stronger than before.
I did some work around this theme and there certainly was a shift. Last year my partner organized me a party, the first one in years. We had a fun evening with friends, but it so happened that the celebration was the day before my actual birthday. Despite a lovely party, the next day I was in tears. Again.
So this year I set out to do some more work around my birthdays, and oh my, there was so much wrapped into that package.
Some of these issues I knew consciously, but pulling various threads together revealed just how deep this core wounding can go. Here’re a few headlines:
- Being born a girl in a patriarchal society which favored boys (there’s a saying in Azerbaijan that a girl’s family receives condolences twice – when a girl is born and when she dies);
- Ancestral component (my mum was rejected by her dad for being a girl for the first 3 years of her life and I was brought up on a story that my dad cursed me when I was born for being a girl);
- Trauma during the conception and throughout my mum’s pregnancy with me;
- A traumatic event on my birthday when I turned 13.
The list went on…
The net effect? Somehow, I had to be ‘special’ for my life to be worth celebrating.
Do you feel the need to be ‘special’ in life in order to feel loved/ accepted/ celebrated? It creates so much pressure, and frankly, nothing is ever enough.
Have you considered that this sense of not enough-ness could be driven by being an unplanned child? You might be spending a lot of energy on trying to be indispensable and please other people. Perhaps, you don’t feel enough because you’re constantly overcompensating for being the ‘wrong’ gender.
From working with hundreds of clients, I’m convinced that an unresolved birth trauma often results in people feeling not good enough.
It can be healed though.
This year, I celebrated my birthday in Istanbul. Having my mum by my side made the day extra special. It felt like an act of reclamation.
I’m special and ordinary and my life is worth celebrating.
What about yours?
P.S. I’m launching a new 5-week programme 'I Am Enough' on 6 April. You can have a sneak preview here: www.gularavincent.co.uk/i-am-enough
P.P.S. The first 10 people to join the programme will receive a super early bird rate + access to my next 3-hour healing event ‘Tuning Into Trust’.