Comparison Gremlins and the antidote

When I was a child, my grandmother used to take me to see her friends or relatives. If they had a child my age, I used to be delighted. But not for long, because on the way back my grandmother used to lecture me about my imperfections:

‘Did you see how Sara served tea today? Not a drop was spilled on the saucers. But you….’ (well, Sara was at least two years older than me).

‘Have you noticed how skinny Samira is? You really have to watch what you eat… If anyone knew that you can eat five kilos of fruit in one go (note: gross exaggeration), they’d never marry you.’

‘Did you see how much Elnara helps at home? Your studies seem to be your priority. I don’t know how you get all those excellent marks at school when you can’t remember the chores I ask you to do.’

All this comparison left me feeling not good enough.

It felt so triggering that after a while I did not want to visit other people and went into avoidance and isolation to avoid my feelings of inadequacy. My grandmother’s ability to zero in on my flaws and point them out created deep insecurity. No doubt, she thought that this comparison was helpful somehow. The worst bit is that long after she stopped doing it, I continued to carry the torch.

Those comparison gremlins became deeply ingrained in me and for a long time I ignored the things that I was good at, trying to weed out my imperfections.

Love was conditional on me being perfect and it was a constantly moving target. Nothing I did seem to be enough: no matter how much I achieved, there were always people who did better. Pushing myself harder only slowed me down.

With time, it became exhausting and unsustainable.

Healing this deep insecurity underneath not feeling enough was the answer to my prayers. In my experience, that is the only antidote to comparison gremlins.

P.S. If a sense of not enough-ness permeates your life, I have a very special invitation for you. Join my 5-week ‘I Am Enough’ course now to receive a super early bird discount. The first 10 people who join the course will also receive a 3-hour healing experience ‘Tuning Into Trust’ for free (normally £99) + an audio course ‘Calm Communication’.

Here's what Dimitra said about her experience of this course.

And here are the course details again: www.gularavincent.co.uk/i-am-enough 

With all my love
Gulara