Where do you start to heal if you have a catalogue of disastrous relationships?
This is a big question, which has a simple answer.
First, the catalogue of disastrous relationships is a symptom, not the problem. Often, the problem is some unresolved pain from your primary relationships when you were a child.
I was working with a male client recently, who struggled to have long-term relationships. He had a catalogue of short-lived relationships, including with the mother of his two children.
When we started a session, he mentioned in passing that his relationship with his dad was not great and that his father passed away when he was 16.
‘I used to be a people-pleaser,’ he said.
‘Did you try to please your dad?’ I asked.
Immediately, he had tears in his eyes.
‘I think I did. I never thought of it like that.’
So we started working with a part of him that was pleasing other people. This part showed up as the 8 years old version of him, who felt frustrated that his dad was hardly ever around. It turned out that he loved his dad very much, but his father was brought up not to show much emotion. So as a sensitive boy, who felt a lot, my client had to shut down his feelings. It got worse when his family sent him off to a boarding school at the age of 9.
‘It’s like they were trying to get rid of me.’
The confusion, frustration and upset of that young boy were palpable. There was one time, just one time, when his dad played with him and his younger brother. It was such a happy day.
‘Picture perfect’, he called it.
An unattainable dream. Especially because as his feelings had no avenue for expression, he grew bitter and challenging towards his dad and blamed himself for his premature death.
The net result? He vowed to never show his love to other people.
Now as a dad of two he struggles because despite his best intentions he was acting like his dad: unable to show his love for his two sons; unavailable.
But by feeling his own hurt, he was able to open his heart again.
If you have a catalogue of unhappy relationships, please consider the common denominator:
It’s you.
I’m not saying this so that you engage in self-blame and be hard on yourself. Quite the contrary - this realization can be truly empowering.
Once you recognize that the key to happy relationships is in you, you can do something about it. Like this client, you can heal your childhood experiences and re-write your inner story.
P.S. I’m running a 12-week Rapid Relationship Breakthrough course starting on 25 April. This is a comprehensive programme on healing major relationship blocks at personal and ancestral levels. It includes clearing on releasing anxiety, addictions (for example to suffering), fear of rejection, entanglement etc and builds up to reclaiming your life force, power and abundance.
The live calls begin on Monday 25 April at 1:30-3:00pm U.K. time.
In addition to 12 live 90 min calls, you also get access to three 5-module digital programmes (healing money blocks, communication patterns and feminine power at karmic, ancestral and parental levels) + 30 day energy field detox (daily 5-6 min guided healing audios).
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- 1:1 breakthrough session with me
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My groups are normally small (5-8 people) so you get a lot of individual attention.
Reply to this email if you have any further questions.
Here're more details: Rapid Relationship Breakthrough — Gulara Vincent