It starts early…
I took my daughter to a playground the other day. She was playing with her classmate, a boy she really likes. I was standing a little way away, giving her space and freedom to explore. They were by the hedge, examining something. Suddenly, I heard the sound of breaking glass. Now, my daughter is an explorer but she’s quite sensible overall. Still, I realized she was holding broken bottle in her hand so I made a beeline for them, but a man with a dog, who was standing close-by got to them before me.
By the time I approached them, the man told my daughter off and walked away.
Now, my baby girl is a sensitive soul. She hates being told off by anyone, never mind grown up strangers. I held her and she talked. The boy she likes told her to brake the glass. She wanted to please him and impress him, but when the stranger approached them, the boy just walked away. He left her to deal with the consequences of their play.
I asked her how do you feel about the boy.
‘Annoyed.’
She couldn’t even look in his direction as we walked away from the park.
Now, if I wasn’t there to support her, she could have made up a bunch of stories to make sense of that situation:
‘Boys are not trustworthy and can abandon you at a critical moment.’
‘It’s not safe to like someone because they can let you down.’
‘Boys just get you in trouble.’
‘It’s not safe to explore.’
‘You’ll be attacked if you get curious.’
These are not just stories; they’re promises: I’ll never let anyone to hurt me like that again. I imagine that in that moment, my daughter felt utterly disempowered, since she wasn’t even allowed to present her side of the story. Someone swooped on her, someone older, stronger with a dog at his side, and told her off, and so her way of gaining some control over the situation could be making a promise to herself.
These experiences are so common, but when you’re young and impressionable, the unacknowledged pain goes deep and gets stuck, unless there’s someone to hold you and love you up. Then you carry on through life living these stories and wondering why you attract people who always treat you that way.
That day, I did a little bit of healing with my daughter on the way home, and from what I observe, the pain and hurt have dissipated. She’s her loving playful self again.
Now, not many of you have been so lucky to be supported by your adult in a difficult situation (me included). I had many hurts like this in my life, which led me to close off my heart to men, and by extension to pleasure and play.
But it’s never too late to reconnect with pleasure.
When you heal those wounded places, let go of your old promises and reclaim your power, pleasure and play take care of themselves.
I’m running a 3-hour online masterclass to help you do just that on Thursday 24 February at 6-9pm UK time. The introductory offer is £99 and if you book by 22.2.22, you’ll get access to my online course ‘Reclaim Your Feminine Power’.
Here're all class details.
And if you have any questions or want to learn more about my approach to healing, I’m running a free webinar on Sunday 20th February at 18:00-19:00 UK time. In this webinar, you'll:
Learn 3 Ps that stop you from having more joy in your life
Find out mindset shifts which can create lasting life satisfaction
Understand what’s been getting in your way of living more fully.
Sign up here to receive email reminders + a recording and join me live to learn how to enhance your life satisfaction.
With all my love
Gulara