Help! I can spend money on others but not on myself

I want to talk to you today about a pattern where you spend money on other people and not on yourself. You might be saving for ages and then somebody will come along who claims that they have a greater need, and you have no problem dishing out any amount of money they need. But if you need something, there is never enough resources, it's never the right time, there is never enough for you.

So where does that pattern come from?

There can be so many reasons as to why this pattern plays out in your life, some of them may not be immediately obvious.

For example, if your mother wasn't ready to have you, let's say it was an unplanned pregnancy; or perhaps, she already had three children, and she wasn't sure about having another one. Or maybe she had some miscarriages, so she had fear around loosing another child. So somewhere in her system, she didn't want to be pregnant again. Although this was not personal, in your subconscious mind, this act of ambivalence can register as a rejection. Therefore, since you’ve been born, you might have been carrying a subconscious programming that makes you want to justify your existence. Often this can manifest as desire to give to others, so that you could get the love that you need. As a result, as soon as you have any money, you want to spend it on others.

Another reason why people may be running this pattern is because there were some people in your family who were quite self-centred, almost narcissistic. There are no judgments here. Narcissism is another form of trauma response. People who show those traits often didn't have enough love or whatever they wanted in their lives. They can then decide to make it all about them. If you grew up in such an environment, then you have been trained to tend to everyone else’s needs first. You get the message that your needs don’t matter. You don’t matter.

There could be some ancestral stories where there wasn't enough for your ancestors. There may be heroic stories of self-sacrifice in your family; there may be religious precepts hammered into you from a young age; other siblings who needed more resource and attention due to their age, health or gender; there may be cultural expectations, such as treating guests as gods in Azerbaijan.

So there are so many reasons why these patterns form; what’s significant is that left unaddressed these programmes run your life and you find that there’s never enough resources, money, time, space or energy for you in your own life.

I’m running a 5-week course addressing all these layers, healing them at the ancestral level, parental level, the womb level, and DNA level. When you put these stories to rest, you can finally become a priority in your own life.

Because you know what?

You. Matter.

Join us live here: www.gularavincent.co.uk/unlock

If you want to heal the effect of narcissistic relationships, join my live masterclass on 18 February at 4:30-7:30pm UK time. www.gularavincent.co.uk/relationship