Why Do You Sabotage Yourself?

Have you ever considered what are the identities that keep sabotaging you?

When you live through a lot of hardship in life, you develop certain ideas about who you are in the world. There’re parts of you that become your ‘protectors’. These parts are often young and their methods of protection are rather blunt.

Let me give you an example.

If you know even a little bit about my story, you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I had an identity of ‘long-suffering one’. It was like a badge of honour. I’m a survivor. I have overcome so many challenges in life.

A very useful identity until I try to let myself be happy.

When I ask: ‘Who am I when I’m happy?’, the answer is ‘relaxed and soft’.

The ‘long-suffering identity’ gets threatened by the prospect of me relaxing and lowering my guard. It kicks in with vengeance, so suddenly I find an unexpected obstacle, or something ‘bad’ happens right after I had an enjoyable day.

I then feel lost. It’s as if I tried someone else’s outfit and I can’t quite make it work for me.

It’s easy to then decide that I’m not allowed to be happy.

The question then is who do I need to become in order to be happy. I was doing this exercise on a live call with Joel Young, one of my favourite teachers.

A very simple answer popped in: ‘safe’.

I need to feel safe to let myself be happy and put the ‘long-suffering identity’ to rest.

What occurred to me also that other people are safe with me when I’m not letting this identity to run the show. Because when ‘the long-suffering one’ sabotages my happiness, she creates some unnecessary drama and complications. The obstacles I encounter or low mood after having a wonderful time affect other people too.

Can you see how this identity has sabotaged my happiness?

What about you? Which identities hold you back?

For example, do you binge eat the moment you start feeling good about yourself or receive compliments from others? Does money come in and go straight out? You get a payment and immediately manifest some unexpected bills, so no matter how much you earn, you end up in a tight spot financially. Perhaps, you end up having a row with your loved ones the day after some closeness and connection.

If you’d like to explore these parts and heal the underlying causes of your self-sabotage, join my 3-hour masterclass ‘Who Am I?’ on 6 September at 12:00-15:00 UK time. Here’s the link: gularavincent.co.uk/i-am